DRIVER'S LICENSE
1/28/04

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns.
It is not polite."

"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are
really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks
away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers
license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you
are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got
a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

.The Preacher is Expecting
1/23/04

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his pay check.

After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!" Silence fell upon the congregation. No one dare challenge the thought.

In the back of the room a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said: "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers!